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Showing posts from September, 2012

No One Tells New Parents About Explosive Stealth Poo Tar

In our house, I take the kids to school and daycare in the morning, and my wife picks them up in the evening. The baby, now 6 months old, is usually happy, and our middle-school son is really self-sufficient, so this is not difficult, even for me. Once in a while, however, the baby's Morning Constitutional lines up with our time to leave and there is an Incident.  Modern diapers are truly amazing and they normally work very well. When modern diapers fail, however, they cease to be diapers and become Poo Vectoring Systems. They no longer catch, hold, or even slow down the poo - they just redirect it out and upwards like a shaped charge explosive. My son's normal, er, movements are so loud that everyone in the house knows that they have happened. He has, however, developed an Explosive Stealth Mode Poo where no one hears anything, but thanks to the diaper forming a Poo Vectoring System, he manages to coat his back up to his shoulder blades in what can only be described a

How To Make School Lunches More Nutritious: Re-Define Words

If you are a parent of a child who attends public school in Washington, and if you have even a vague recollection of the food pyramid , you probably will have noticed that the lunches that are served in school cafeterias are frequently at odds with the rules of good nutrition. The school is not wrong, however. They have just re-defined words and you are not keeping up. Pop quiz:  Cheese belongs to what food group? *bzzz* - wrong. You said that cheese was in the diary food group , right? No! Pbth! How boringly accurate of you. Cheese magically transforms into a protein when it is served on pizza or in a bread stick! I know that you may be dubious, but I contacted Wendy Barkley, RD,  who is the Acting Supervisor of School Nutrition Programs in the State of Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction and she assured me that it is so. To quote her email to me: " Pizza remains an option for schools for their menus.  The cheese on pizza is counted as a protein in t