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Additional Seattle Driving Tips

There are some residents of Seattle that seem to be of the opinion that, because they pay taxes, they can drive on any public road. While this might be technically true for now, when I am selected as Traffic Czar For Life there will be some changes.

For starters, lets discuss scooters. Some people like them, and that is fine so long as they keep them to urban areas. When they drive them out in the suburbs on roads with high speed limits, then we have to have a talk. Take West Valley Highway Scooter Guy for example. If you have a scooter that maxes out at 30 mph, it should be a caning offense to drive it on a road that has a 50 mph speed limit. Traffic is already slow enough without you driving around 20 mph below the limit. Secondly, if you do own a little, red scooter, you should not, ever, under any circumstances, drive it with a black leather biker jacket and one of those black helmets that look like a WWII German Army helmet. When you are buzzing along, 20 mph below the speed limit, on a tiny, red scooter, dressed like you are in the Wehrmacht, you are not fooling anybody.

Secondly, there is the case of the "SS" badge. I know, I know - just because General Motors slaps an "SS" badge on a small economy car, it does not mean that it is quick. What it does mean, however, is that the purchaser of said turd *thinks* that it is quick - and paid extra for it - and therefore has an obligation to his, or her, fellow motorists to at least go the speed limit. Anyone driving a General Motors car with an "SS" badge at 10 mph below the speed limit in the fast lane - you know who you are Mr. SR 518 Chevy Cobalt SS guy - deserves to be pulled over, issued an Orca card for the fair value of the car ($50), and have his or her car sent to the crusher immediately. You are done driving, here is a bus pass, now move along.


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