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Unified Theory of Project Management

I do a lot of project management work for a living, but I find that I am often handicapped by my linear sense of time. For example, most calendars show that Monday is followed by Tuesday, January is followed by February, etc. I also have a problem with arithmetic. I have believed in the conventional theory that 2 + 2 = 4, 4 + 4 = 8, etc.

I have come to realize that if these two dangerous theories, linear time and arithmetic, are combined then they lead to most project management issues. For example, suppose we are working on a simple project made up of 2 tasks. Task A takes 5 days and task B takes 5 days. Task B cannot start until task A is complete so the naive would assume that A + B = 10 days. In real life one finds that A + B could equal anywhere from zero to infinity. How can this be?

A co-worker explained to me The Sub Atomic Theory of Project Scheduling. At the sub atomic level, particles no longer follow conventional natural laws. If one can schedule down to the sub atomic level, one can rearrange the particles to be what ever one wants them to be. If someone says to you that you must complete a 10 day project in 2 days, they are not being irrational. They are assuming that you know how to schedule at the sub atomic level.

As another colleague explained to me, this also explains project resources. At the sub atomic level, it is not possible to see the particles. They may appear to come in and out of existence, be in 2 places at once, or appear to not be there at all - just like project resources.

We have just begun to explore the depths of this theory, but I believe that we have hit upon The Unified Theory of Project Management - the one theory that explains all project behavior. It isn't anal-cranial inversion, irrational demands from management, or a folding of space-time. It is The Unified Theory of Project Management - UTPM. Very expensive seminars and certifications will be available in your area soon.

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