Skip to main content

Unified Theory of Project Management

I do a lot of project management work for a living, but I find that I am often handicapped by my linear sense of time. For example, most calendars show that Monday is followed by Tuesday, January is followed by February, etc. I also have a problem with arithmetic. I have believed in the conventional theory that 2 + 2 = 4, 4 + 4 = 8, etc.

I have come to realize that if these two dangerous theories, linear time and arithmetic, are combined then they lead to most project management issues. For example, suppose we are working on a simple project made up of 2 tasks. Task A takes 5 days and task B takes 5 days. Task B cannot start until task A is complete so the naive would assume that A + B = 10 days. In real life one finds that A + B could equal anywhere from zero to infinity. How can this be?

A co-worker explained to me The Sub Atomic Theory of Project Scheduling. At the sub atomic level, particles no longer follow conventional natural laws. If one can schedule down to the sub atomic level, one can rearrange the particles to be what ever one wants them to be. If someone says to you that you must complete a 10 day project in 2 days, they are not being irrational. They are assuming that you know how to schedule at the sub atomic level.

As another colleague explained to me, this also explains project resources. At the sub atomic level, it is not possible to see the particles. They may appear to come in and out of existence, be in 2 places at once, or appear to not be there at all - just like project resources.

We have just begun to explore the depths of this theory, but I believe that we have hit upon The Unified Theory of Project Management - the one theory that explains all project behavior. It isn't anal-cranial inversion, irrational demands from management, or a folding of space-time. It is The Unified Theory of Project Management - UTPM. Very expensive seminars and certifications will be available in your area soon.


Popular posts from this blog

Reducing CO2 in your home the nerd way

For Christmas my wife gave me a Netatmo weather station because I am a home weather station nerd. The Netatmo is very cool, but it has an unexpected feature: it measures indoor Carbon Dioxide (CO2) levels. As soon as I set it up, the Netatmo began to alert that our indoor CO2 was at an unsafe level. The notes said that outdoor CO2 is usually around 400 ppm, and numbers above 1500 ppm could be unhealthy. On that first day, my house was at around 1300 ppm. Prior to that, I never gave indoor CO2 levels a thought. I began to do some research and discovered high levels of CO2 can cause symptoms such as fatigue, headache, breathing difficulties, strained eyes and itchy skin.  My family does have all of these issues, especially on the weekends when we are home all day, but I never connected that to indoor air quality. Previously, I installed a Nest thermostat . The Nest is very smart and saves energy by learning your habits and programming itself. Unfortunately, it is so efficient, that t

Rooftop Playgrounds

This week I have had some meetings in a tall building in downtown Seattle, and when I took a moment to look around and enjoy the view I have noticed playgrounds on rooftops. I saw this daycare playground: and this playground on top of a school: I think that this is a really cool use of space. A friend that grew up in NYC said that her school had a rooftop playground, too. The delinquent in me wonders how many toys and balls go over the side, but I bet the teachers are pretty strict about that. Downtown Seattle has always seemed a little unfriendly towards kids and it is neat to see spaces being carved out.

How To Make School Lunches More Nutritious: Re-Define Words

If you are a parent of a child who attends public school in Washington, and if you have even a vague recollection of the food pyramid , you probably will have noticed that the lunches that are served in school cafeterias are frequently at odds with the rules of good nutrition. The school is not wrong, however. They have just re-defined words and you are not keeping up. Pop quiz:  Cheese belongs to what food group? *bzzz* - wrong. You said that cheese was in the diary food group , right? No! Pbth! How boringly accurate of you. Cheese magically transforms into a protein when it is served on pizza or in a bread stick! I know that you may be dubious, but I contacted Wendy Barkley, RD,  who is the Acting Supervisor of School Nutrition Programs in the State of Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction and she assured me that it is so. To quote her email to me: " Pizza remains an option for schools for their menus.  The cheese on pizza is counted as a protein in t